cigAweEdpaKke

2002-11-01T08:16:00.000-05:00

talked to someone special today. her name's nina
it's been so long since we last got to talk. . .
i dunno but even if she belongs to deonne now.
she's still the same nina i know. the sweet, funny, comfy girl,
and someone i could confide myself to.
im so glad that things are goin favorably with her.
i wish she and deonne would last. :)

i could still her smilin face, im sure she's grown far more beautiful now.
she's inlove :) i hope the guy knows how lucky he is. --
* nina... i owe ya big tym, thanks a lot, you're the best! *

2002-11-01T05:48:00.000-05:00

i saw her.... she was standin right there lookin at me...
as i moved towards where she's standin',
she smiled at me...
her eyes glittered like stars...

that very moment...
i wanted to melt before her...

she looked as beautiful as she did before...
i cld still remember that day..
when things were just too unclear for me...

i felt tears rushin down my cheeks...
then i realized...i love her....
but i can never have her....
the way she had me.

2002-11-01T05:30:00.000-05:00

¦³¤H¥½Ð¹ says:
before i get off sch
¦³¤H¥½Ð¹ says:
i wanna get married
¦³¤H¥½Ð¹ says:
i wanna have kids
¦³¤H¥½Ð¹ says:
i want a family
¦³¤H¥½Ð¹ says:
my own....
¦³¤H¥½Ð¹ says:
soon....
[-012-] says:
okay..
[-012-] says:
like how soon?
¦³¤H¥½Ð¹ says:
like in a year
[-012-] says:
ok
¦³¤H¥½Ð¹ says:
i dunno
¦³¤H¥½Ð¹ says:
i just wana hve my own family
¦³¤H¥½Ð¹ says:
time is too short to waste it
[-012-] says:
baby.. you will have one..bt i cnt really tell ya when
[-012-] says:
im sure ull be a great dad smeday but we dunno when tht'd be...
¦³¤H¥½Ð¹ says:
i knw
¦³¤H¥½Ð¹ says:
someday-- it sounds too far... too long
[-012-] says:
ull never really know..
[-012-] says:
it may seem tht way now..
[-012-] says:
bt who knows?
¦³¤H¥½Ð¹ says:
`sides...
¦³¤H¥½Ð¹ says:
ur not ready for nethin

2002-11-01T05:21:00.000-05:00

it's been awhile...

2002-10-14T04:12:00.000-04:00

well obviously it's my birthday...

2002-10-11T06:14:00.000-04:00

writing is all about having to say something and saying it with sense.
i have nothing to say, and dont think id ever make `ne sense.
(what am i doing here?!?) {dissolve}

2002-10-10T10:33:00.000-04:00

YOU TAKE MY BREATH AWAY
--words and music by :
bruce hart
stephen lawrence

You, I don't know what to say,
you take my breath away,
you're every song I sing,
you're the music that I play...
And you take my breath away...

You, y'smile and it's okay,
you take my breath away
like water from a spring
on a sizzlin' summer day,
Oh, y'take my breath away

*There are words,
for the magic of a sunrise,
only none of them will do..
For you take my breath away
And i don't know what to say,
'Cause you take my breath away.
*
Cause you take my breath away.......

2002-10-10T04:49:00.000-04:00

i've always been the kind of child who does what my parents want. so basically, everything i do is based on their decisions. there was only once in my life that i've gone against them, and that was when i decided to indulge in a tough sport... i knew it involved a big risk, it is very alarming for my condition. but thinking that i could do it, i didnt mind their reminders and the physician's precautions. everything got worst and it was all my fault. i was too hard headed. it came off my mind that i was ill. and i couldnt be like the rest of the kids out there who could do whatever they want and as long as they want to. i've always envied my friends, i was always teased - a mum's boy. i considered myself a prisoner within my parents tight grip. i never thought all that they were doing was for me and because they love me so much... til a year ago...
if not for them, i wouldnt be here right now, facing this screen, blabbing these words.

i had a heart defficiency since i was a kid. i was always sick then... that was few years back, during my weakling years. last year i've gone through a heart surgery which made a big difference in my life. now, i am a new person, and my heart is functioning well. though i still need to visit the doctor once in a while. i couldnt believe that i've gone this far. just a year ago, i thought everything would come to an end. i never thought i'd ever reach 17 years old. in a few days it's gonna be my birthday, but no one seem to care. but i dont give a damn, personally my one year of new life is a big gift and i hope i'd have more years to spend in this life. reaching 17 is a big deal of achievement for me. if i ahd lost all my hopes before, thinking i would die, it's way far different now. i have more faith and i no longer believe in the word {impossible} . as far as i know, anything could happen... anything at all.
even if it'd mean... i might die tomorrow and never see the day i'm looking forward to... i'd always be grateful and thankful i had my mom and dad as well as my siblings.
one year's been like forever. i learned so much. how to be friendly to other people, to appreciate my blessings... to show my gratitude and affection {hiding `em dsnt do any good}. if i would die tomorrow or later, this is what i could say. {i lived, loved, was loved and cared for... everything might not have been perfect, but it was all well, and i will die happy."

2002-10-10T02:14:00.000-04:00

wew everyone's thinkin that i've changed. *confused* did i?
i havent really noticed though. but it's so overwhelming to be told
that i've become a mature and better person.
( does that take away my right to be childish and mean? )

2002-10-09T11:14:00.000-04:00

it's awful not to be loved, it's the worst thing in the world says:
you are like a man
it's awful not to be loved, it's the worst thing in the world says:
what you can you are childish., you are already not childish
it's awful not to be loved, it's the worst thing in the world says:
i think so
it's awful not to be loved, it's the worst thing in the world says:
are u hiding nowadays??
you hided from mom before
cOiLed says:
i am not
cOiLed says:
=)

2002-10-09T02:51:00.000-04:00

i just finished talking to my friend hye-eun. she's a korean girl. we havent talked for so long. she's in school right now so we didnt really got to talk that much since she's got classes. her alias caught my attention. instead of a nick or a name it said.."it's awful not to be loved, it's the worst thing in this world" well, she's right. it's hard to be alone, everyone needs to be loved and to love.

2002-10-08T05:09:00.000-04:00

*sigh
i dunno what to feel.

in 6 days it'll be my 17th birthday. mom and dad promised me that they're comin` here to spend that special day with me but then she called awhile ago to tell me somethin came up and they probably wont be here. its gonna be my first birthday witj ilac if ever. but then i guess id have to wait til next year. mom and dad werent there duing my 15th birthday. last year i was ill during that day. and now? ill have to spend it all alone. what could be worst?

`neway to all mah friends, kins, and acquaintances... dnt ya forget mah presents!

2002-10-08T05:08:00.000-04:00

Babyface
Title: Nobody Knows It But Me
Album:

Wish i had told her
how i feel
Maybe she'd be here
right now

But instead

I pretend that im glad you went away
These four walls close in more everyday
And im dyin inside
And nobody knows it but me
yeah hmmmm

Like a clown i put on a show
Paint it real even if nobody knows
And im crying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Yeah hmmm

Why didnt i say
The things i needed to say
How could i let my angel get away
Now my world is just a tumblin down
I can say it so clearly
But your no where around

The nights are lonely and the days are so sad
And i just keep thinking about the love that we had
And im missing you
And nobody knows it but me
Mm ya mmm ya ya

I carry a smile when im broken in two
And im nobody without someone like you
And im tremblin inside
And nobody knows it but me
Yeah yeah yeah

Lie awake its a quarter past 3
I'd scream it at night if I thought you'd hear me
Ya my heart is callin you
And nobody knows it but me
Baby

How blue can i get
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle its been torn all apart
A million words couldnt say
Just how i feel
A million years from now you know i'll be loving you still

The nights are lonely
And the days are so sad
And i just keep thinking about the love that we had
And im missing you
And nobody knows it but me

Yeah yeah oooooooo yeah ay ooooooo

Nobody, nobody but me

Tomorrow morning im hitting the dusty road
Gonna find you where ever
ever you might go
And im gonna unlaod my heart
And hope you come back to me

Ya said when

The nights are lonely and the days are so sad
And i just keep thinking about the love that we had
And im missing you
And nobody knows it but me (repeat 3x)

2002-10-07T04:00:00.000-04:00

uhmm... *seals mah lips *ties mah hands

2002-10-03T07:34:00.000-04:00

i guess its time to bounce off. this has been a tiring day. 'been doing too much stuff on this weblog. a new background -- what else?
---------------------------------------------
i dont get to document the ongoing events in my life anymore. *grin. well, it's far better talking about other stuff than my life itself,
i'd probably just piss off and bore everyone who'd get to visit this blog. i dotn posess the talent of pleasing everyone, i could hardly please one person even. that's how rotten i am. my mum adores me though *smiles and i know i'll always be her baby. yeah, i am getting kinda mushy here. just happened that i got to talk to my [mum] a few mins ago on the phone, and im so glad about it.
it sux to be to far away from home y`knw... but this is how grown-ups should be, right? i'm one of those who are strugglin` to be indepenmdent. i miss [bb] he's such a cute lil furry hamster. a girl friend gaved him to me as a token of friendship. he was such a lil baby hamster... i remember bathin` him and my sister givin` him a blower to dry him up and sneezin and getting sniffles when i play with him too much.... at this point he's grown already. [lucy], that's the name of the girl hamster my mom bought to be bb's playmate--is about to have a baby. that means bb's gonna be dad soon. *phew* i wonder when i'd be... *lol (uhh... dream on stef... )
gotta hit mah bed---- its early -- in the morn.

2002-10-03T04:37:00.000-04:00

my guestbook problem was fixed, but heck i wonder what's wrong with the comments link!?! :S duh... is there no end to all these stupid problems? but newayz its ok, id get to fix this in no time. all that matters is that my blog doest look as boring as before...
though cnt say it dsnt suck nemore. *evil grin* it still does right?

2002-10-01T23:42:00.000-04:00

i am so bored.... too serious discussions, professors that dnt naturally suck --- !did >> lessons became less interesting and i wonder why everyone seemed too quiet like they have so much to ponder about and i dont? my brain is not working right (when was it that it did anyway?!?) ! im totally blank (oh-oh!) ?it cldnt be true! does my brain really grows smaller than a pea during mondays
! this isnt funny anymore ...the games i used to play a lot dsnt seem fun to play at all >> even my appetite is suxxx -- they had this ostrich dish that i really love served .and i dont even have a litlle liking for it >> . im sickkkkkk !!!!!
>> is everything in my world growing dull or it's just me ?!?

...or maybe i just miss her *sigh*

2002-10-01T22:46:00.000-04:00

finally, this weblog kinda looks difft already-- after all the experimenting done. though i hafta figure out this thing about my guestbook.
its definitely not workin` right! mannnnnnnnn....... and this archiving thingie is pissin me off. help anyone?!?
and by the way, to all those others who think my weblog suxx {who said it doesnt?} and that it dsnt make any sense and i dont have the inclination for writing...{ well who does? } as far as i know anyone can write anything and anyone cld suck! {just like me} wanna ask ya guys to help me out! =)

2002-10-01T05:13:00.000-04:00

tell all my friends I'm dead
I'm leaving you, this time its for good
tell all my friends that I'm dead
it won't be long before you forget my name

can you tell
that I don't know myself
I need someone to remind me
to let it go
please let me know
to trace your footsteps back to me

::newfoundglory::forgetmyname::

2002-10-01T04:07:00.000-04:00

and the devil is here........

im horny.. im horny horny horny!

2002-09-30T07:12:00.000-04:00

oh--- havent blogged for quite a while. been busy with sch and other stuff. too many things happened too fast. nearly broke up with mah girl... good thing i got used to being hurt already. if not.... maybe i didnt have the chance to write stuffs in here again.
ohh well, maybe it was my fault why everything turned out bad. it's always my fault. *sigh*

2002-09-25T03:37:00.000-04:00

Last time was romantic...
tonight I just can't wait to see your clothes on the floor.

2002-09-24T02:49:00.000-04:00

bought a new cam and audio stuff...

no big deal?

2002-09-23T03:24:00.000-04:00

uhh. im tired to code my journal yet.. maybe later. maybe the next day...
my eyes are sore... im too exhausted....

2002-09-21T23:18:00.000-04:00

I Miss You
INCUBUS

To see you when I wake up,
is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same,
as I do, is a Three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me
That I can't explain
So would I be out of line, If I said
I miss you.
I see your picture, I smell your skin on,
the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days,
but already I am wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know, that I care
And I miss you

2002-09-21T22:13:00.000-04:00

~*2

2002-09-21T03:16:00.000-04:00

~*:

2002-09-20T23:59:00.000-04:00

im so BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2002-09-20T01:26:00.000-04:00

the other night is another sleepless night. i stayed up until morning facin` this screen. i had no intention to close my eyes. i have made up my mind and decided to meddle with this weblog. but as you can see, i didnt do any better it's still same common
looking blog who's template was acquired from blogskins since i lack know-how in working with codes. if only someone could lend me a hand, but then who? i dont have a choice but to work on this alone. after all, this is my web journal right?

well.. yesterday mornin i got to catch stef - on. we talked a bit and she's not feelin` ok. i never though of that though it was too late when i found out, and soon as i did, i got disconnected from the net. i dont know... but i started to feel bad about blabbin crazy stuff and forgetting the more impt things like ... i shld've asked her earlier how she's doin`-- -- but the thing is i did not and instead i was being so yakky. i hope she's feelin better now though.

i was absent on my first subject but i made it to the second and the rest-- yet later in the afternoon i had this terrible headache. so, soon as i got back here i had a warm shower, tidied myself, and went straight to bed. i think i slept for about 7 hrs since i slept from 5 pm to about 12 am, and when i woke up i felt so heavy... too much sleep perhaps. i needed to give myself a li`l dip in a cold bath to be fully awake.. and now the wolf is back to life!!! wide eyed and starvin... good thing i didnt forget to drop by a food shoppe.

2002-09-19T03:21:00.000-04:00

im now in stileproject playing this miniput thing

2002-09-19T03:01:00.000-04:00

he knew as he drifted into sleep that he was one with her... together they would make one splendid person; apart both had been incomplete. he would wake presently and go away and leave her, and while he's away he would be thinking of her all the time...
as she would be of him. he would go thousands of miles away from her in a few hours so that a quarter of the world would lie between them, but he would come back again and find that other half of his new self, and they would be complete. he slept very deeply.
in his sleep he seemed to be drifting further and durther away from her, and growing weaker and weaker. she was receding from him in time as he slept; he struggled to wake, but he was now too weak. she would be there for him to find again, and love...
but as he grew weaker she receded further;

when he slept, he knew she's there, and he needed her she would come. but now he needed her, needed her infinitely badly, and she's nowhere, and with the agony and disappointment he heared himself sobbing, and he felt tears as they streamed down his face.

he'd fallen...
his spirit had fallen.
like a winded runner, and knocked the breath out of him.

she's left him...
to die.

nevilshute:in:the:wet

2002-09-18T06:15:00.000-04:00

uhh.....

2002-09-18T06:07:00.000-04:00

late last night i was sitting in a cafe with clarisse, waiting for her cousin whom she wants me to meet when her bf came. before he even reached our table i could sense that something was wrong. i knew i was facing the inevitable yet i asked him to be seated but he started talking harsh... as ive heared what he has to say i realized he was accusin` us of cheating on him. he grabbed her on the arm and i knew that she was hurt. even upon knowing that it'd induce his anger i grabbed her gently away from him and told him to leave her alone. he pushed me hard enough against the chair that my back hurt badly. he told me to stay away from clarrise or else i'd regret it. i tried to reason out, and told him that there's nothing between me and her gf, and that i was just keeping her company yet he was deafened by his anger and continued to force her to go with him. I am not used to being bullied or seeing a girl friend hurt.
I was in a dillema. With great unwillingness, but with no alternative; i pushed him hard that he shoved on the table. The scene drew people's attention that when he was about to hit me back, someone approached us telling us to cease the fight. Clarisse yelled at him tellin him to go away --- and he had no choice. I was saved from being hit- . moments later her cousin heather arrived and they had a lil tit about what happened. it was getting pretty late that we all decided to go-- they drove off to their place and i manage to drive myself back here... soon as i got out of the elevator i rushed to my suite and threw myself on the couch.

2002-09-17T08:02:00.000-04:00

2002-09-17T07:37:00.000-04:00

good thing i dont have an early class today.
i would still have to go to sch this morning though
langer's class :: its the intro. to social psychology ::

just got the usual mornin call from kelly.
she's doin okay... she said there's gonna be a dance
in her sch, and she told me that dan
(that's the senior guy who likes her) *pouts
asked if she can go with him.

talkin bt makin my day suck....

2002-09-17T07:11:00.000-04:00

(now playin john mayer's back to you from the album room for squares)

Over you... I'm never over ... Over you
Something about you.. It's just the way you move...
The way you move me

2002-09-17T05:39:00.000-04:00

oh what's new? uhm i received a mail from the stef girl.
i found out her real name is stef thomas.
i dunno... what else?
i'm recently workin on my abs --
and i can see the results...

mom called to remind me to eat right and to get
adequate sleep (and...that's not new at all)

2002-09-16T03:45:00.000-04:00

SHARING THE NIGHT TOGETHER
(A.Aldridge/E.Struzick)
DR. HOOK - 1979

You're looking kinda lonely girl
would you like someone new to talk to,
aah yeh alright
I'm feeling kinda lonely too
if you don't mind
can I sit down here beside you
ah yeah alright

If I seem to come on too strong
I hope that you will understand
I say these things 'cause I'd like to know
if you're as lonely as I am
and if you mind

Sharing the night together, oh yeah
Sharing the night together, oh yeah,
sharing the night.

We could bring in the morning girl
if you want to go that far
and if tomorrow find us together
right here the way we are
would you mind

Sharing the night together, oh yeah
Sharing the night together,
oh yeah, sharing the night

Would you like to dance with me and hold me
you know I want to be holding you
ah yeah alright 'cause I like feeling like I do
and I see in your eyes
that you're liking it too, ah yeah alright
like to get to know you better
is there a place where we can go
where we can be alone together
and turn the lights down low
and start sharing the night ...

2002-09-12T01:09:00.000-04:00

When someone understands us, that's love.
That's an unconditional acceptance.
They don't want to change us, they love us for what we are,
they understand all our stupid, silly, insane, illogical foibles.

2002-09-11T04:33:00.000-04:00

more than a year ago this is how ::NYC:: skyline looks like...
until the horrible ::9/11:incident:: occured.
done by a bunch of afghan idiots.
and this is ....

2002-09-10T05:52:00.000-04:00

one long lasting lick
one long trusting lick..

she's moaning my name
another lick and she'd go insane...

one long lasting trusting lick
the key, to a woman's insanity
to drive her crazy wanting for more...

give her..
but one long lasting trusting lick
to reach her core...

2002-09-10T03:48:00.000-04:00

::hotel de paris :monte carlo::

til now i couldnt believe what my eyes saw,
i couldnt get my mind off her
who wore that grand white dress...
walking on the isle...
i never saw a woman looked as beautiful..
then,i knew what i deprived myself of having...

he looked at me and gladly whispered
look at her-- she who is your friend
and my lovely bride...

he took her hand into his...
she looked at me, and leant foreward
to plant my cheek a little kiss
one last kiss to say goodbye
one last kiss

now it's done... she's gone...
unto his arms.
completely.

2002-09-10T03:43:00.000-04:00

i've been away since sat afternoon...
ill be flying back 7hours from now. i have to get ready for school...
i already have my schedules. and list of professors whom
i have no idea of.

2002-09-07T01:07:00.000-04:00

saw this in one art site...

The choices we make, and the chances we take, determine our destiny

2002-09-07T00:20:00.000-04:00

gotta hit mah bed in a lil while.
and hey..! talkin bt sch- i decided to study the physics of coiled spring
wonder what dad will say if hed find out.
well i guess its ok, since its the same thing, besides
im not into political science or business.

and for tht big break..
a .. hmm *BIG SMILE*

2002-09-07T00:03:00.000-04:00

just wanna post this here...

Artist: Tyrese / Album: 2000 Watts / Song: For Always

Something about the way,
words to describe what I cannnot say,
I'm going outta my mind thinking of you at times,
Cause you make me feel so wonderful.

My heart is willing, won't you stay with me.
Promise to me love for always.
You know there's nothing, I won't do for you.
I want you in my life, for always.

You were made for my touch,
No one but you ever loved me this much.
You are one of a kind,
someone I'm truly blessed to find.
So much happiness I found with you.

My heart is willing, won't you stay with me.
Promise to me love for always.
You know there's nothing, I won't do for you.
I want you in my life, for always.

Baby you, have taken your love
and made a dream come true.
I find it in you.
Promise me, you'll stay with me,
ever and always.

My heart is willing, won't you stay with me.
Promise to me love for always.
You know there's nothing, I won't do for you.
I want you in my life, for always.

Don't you take your love away.

My heart is willing, won't you stay with me.
Promise to me love for always.
You know there's nothing, I won't do for you.
I want you in my life, for always.

(To do whatever it takes to keep you, baby)
(I'll be there for you, always baby)

I'll love you for always.

2002-09-06T06:13:00.000-04:00

yesterday i met a stranger named stef...
she's really cool. and wht makes it even cooler
is we've got the same name.
we're friends now ... after talking to her for about 3 hours.
isnt it funny how someone you dont know can make you smile? =)

and she likes the song of tyrese too...
mannnn.................

"sometimes there are strangers
whom you feel like you've known them all your life,
yet found them just now
for the right time has come for you to know them better..."

2002-09-06T05:13:00.000-04:00

color life....